Chapter 1 :D

Probably quite a few typos, but just ignore them. Its not supposed to be grammatically correct through and through. But not too bad :) And don't mock my future views--it's not as bad as I thought it would turn out haha

Carry on then :)

WORD COUNT: 4207
TOTAL WORD COUNT: 6097
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CHAPTER I
SHADOWS OF THE NIGHT

When his wife died, it was all he could do to keep from dying himself. He could still see her, always, sitting in his chair or sleeping in his bed, always at peace. Always smiling and waiting. He would sit on the edge of the mattress, as if to ensure not to disturb her. Light waves of blonde gold strewn across both pillows with its length, a bare shoulder peeking from beneath the heavy comforter, shrugged inward against its owner as if to shield. The long lashes of her eyes would flutter momentarily and he could see her eyes move beyond the lids, dreaming sweet dreams that he could not possibly imagine himself, but that he hoped she would tell him in the morning. At times, she seemed real enough to touch, real enough to wait dazedly at the kitchen table, staring blankly at two settings, until the emptiness of remembrance came to him.

It had been five years, but still the shadows of that broken self haunted him, tormented him daily. Some days, the darkness and emptiness consumed him into madness, a feeling so blunt and harsh that he could feel nothing but sorrow. Other days it simmered into a mildness of manner and a silence in his nature, a sort of quiet brooding. Very rarely, he could forget, if only for a single moment, that he was alone in truth; that he could smile, truthfully, despite everything, and for a moment the curtain inside him would lift to let in the light. Then a little word, a phrase, the scent of perfume, the glint of the sun through blonde hair, and everything would fall once more into blackness, leaving him more alone than before.

Outside the solitude and the safe void of his home, though, he had always persevered. To those that knew him by name and rank and little more, he was a brilliant man, nearly without flaw. He walked straight and tall, stood strong and stolid, treated every man and woman he met with the same due respect and set those straight that went crooked. The few that knew him better, however--the few who had known him in his light-filled days of early service when life still seemed beautiful and smiles were the least uncommon of his features--could see his perpetual sadness and the way it ate at his heart and began to devour his mind. He visited these old acquaintances sometimes, when the need to be with became greater than the need to be without. There was a mild comfort in their presence, a sort of haze that fell over him when they spoke of memories that were both his and not his. It was as if, in those moments of conversation, his pain was shared, just for an instant. A load could be eschewed from his shoulders and he could rest from the heavy burden of pity and guilt that hung over him always.

“Ian? Hey--” A voice, sweet and familiar, pulled him back into reality. A gentle hand on his shoulder at once comforted and hesitated. “Did you still want to have lunch with us? Been a while since we all went out together. The guys have been missin’ you. It‘d be great if you came along.”

Ian sat his desk in an empty lecture hall, correcting papers absently while his thoughts wandered. Thick stacks of papers lay in uniform piles to his left and right, perfect square towers with perfect red marks in fine deliberate lines trailing down each paper. Stale coffee idled in a plain mug near the hand that had paused in its constant automated corrections. Ian lay the pen down slowly to the side and adjusted the thin square glasses on his nose as he looked up at his visitor.

She was a pretty woman, though somewhat unremarkable, which wasn’t unusual for a person of her stature. Beauty often went out with the job, but nevertheless she had retained some of it in thin pale gold of her face that glowed and beamed kindly and in the smooth sleekness of her full dark hair. Ian smiled up at her instinctively.

“I think I might,” he answered, and was embarrassed though unsurprised of the thickness in his own unused voice. He cleared it and rotated further in his seat. “Guess you must think I’ve been avoiding you lately, hm? I haven’t meant to be so absent lately. It’s just…” His hazel eyes cast briefly downwards, as if the reinforced tile flooring could prompt his answers. “Just been busy lately, I guess. Occupied, you could say. But lunch would be great, Janice. Thanks.”

Janice let out a musical bark of laughter that ended in a smirk as the dark almond pools of her eyes danced in a combination of happiness and relief. “Don’t thank me. You’re probably paying for it. God knows you owe us for all the time you’ve waited to see us again. Adam’s been worried as hell about you. You never call, never say a word when you’re actually around. Been as elusive as a ghost around here lately.”

Ian shrugged, a hint of a smile gracing the corners of his mouth at the familiar sarcasm in her tone. “Well, you’ve got me there. Guess I haven’t much of an excuse for myself, either. Alright--where are we going?”

“There’s a new little Italian place a few blocks east. Thought we might go check it out, see if its worth the visit while it’s on you.”

“You mean the one by the bay?”

“That’s the one.”

“Figures you would pick an expensive one. I’ll be there.”

“You’d better be. Adam and the guys’ll stake you out and hound you if you don’t.”

Ian’s smile broadened. “My word is golden, Jan. No worries. I’ll be there.”

Janice seemed satisfied with this answer and nodded promptly. “Damn straight. We’ll see you at half past thirteen. And put on your best face for us, Ian. It’s far too nice to hide, you know.” Before she turned away, Ian thought he could see (or sense) a hint of hope in her as well as worry. It was in the way she moved--suddenly yet subtly--and in the way she had spoken--not without a touch of force, as if she were speaking to caged pet that hadn’t been released in weeks and might strike or run given the chance. Ian didn’t mind it; it was to be expected. And all in all, there was nothing but kindness in her intentions, and all in all there was nothing wrong in that.

*~*~*

“So the kid raises his hand, ya know, and he asks to go the bathroom. So I tell him, no, you can’t go to the bathroom. Because ya know he’s just tryin’ to get out of the lecture and he’ll be back with twenty minutes to spare, actin’ like it’s normal t’take thirty minutes in the pot. So, ya know what he says?”

“What’d he say Mac?”

“He says, ‘Can I take Andri with me?’ And I’m just like…this kid even listen to what I just said? And what’s with kids and takin’ a whole train of people to the bathroom, anyway? But anyways, so he asks, and he’s practically already outta his seat while he’s talkin’, and I says to him, ‘Well, why’ll you’re at it, why don’t you take me along?’ And he just--he just--” Mac was laughing now, hysterical at the sheer memory of it, while the two men and one woman in his company watched him in amusement over their drinks. “He just gets the funniest look and sits back down. Classic stuff, that was. I mean, really good stuff. You had to be there, man, it was great. Set him straight, that‘s for sure.”

“Sounds like it, Mac.”

“Hey now,” Mac said, still grinning despite the feigned hurt in his voice. “How about you try teachin’ these kids day in and day out. Not all fun and games, I can tell ya that right now. Odds are the half of them are carryin’ some weird new weapon they made in their first period techie class that morning, just waitin’ for your back to turn, and--bam!--that’s it, man. You’re done. Finished.”

“Ah, c’mon, Mac,” said Janice, laughing over her drink at his little melodramatic spurt of a story. “We’ve all been there, done that. It’s old news. Kids are kids, and that’s about all there is to it. You just have to use a firm voice and set ‘em straight.”

“Nah, they aren’t like they used to be,” came Mac’s reply. “Back when we were all kids growin’ up--”

“Hey, what do you mean, we?”

“Shut it, Adam. Anyways, back then, it was easy. Everyone was pretty much on the same keel. Pretty much even for all of us, far as the classes and the teaching and such went. You just came in, sat down, turned in your slabs at the end of each class and went home for dinner. If you didn’t like your teacher, tough, ya know? Nothin’ you could do about it but plain old-fashioned disobedience, and we all know how that would end up. Nowadays, though, kids come in with their phones and lappies, don’t even bother trying to hide them anymore after that ridiculous Technology Liberties legislation. Did you hear about that guy Sanders getting kicked out of Saint Marks?”

“That was for changing some kid’s grades, wasn’t it? Illegally?” Adam said, gaining interest in the conversation now.

“Yeah, but here’s the thing--in his defense he said that one of his students was blackmailing him on the M-Grid and that it was the kid that hacked into the stream and gave herself an A. Said the connection was untraceable and coded to look like a normal update. The courts didn’t buy that, though, and he got sent off for a good year or two. Just so some kid could get into a good college. It‘s crazy.”

“I thought that was only a rumor. The evidence was too strong against Sanders, and there was nothing to suggest it was anyone‘s fault but his. He was just sympathizing with his student,” Ian, who had been quietly listening as he pecked at the meal before him, finally spoke up, absently wiping the edge of his mouth as he finished eating.

Mac gave Ian a skeptical look, tilting his head and playing out a wave of his hand in slow motion. Whatever, it seemed to say. “All I’m saying,” he continued, deciding to quit fighting a losing battle, “is that it’s a crazy world anymore, ya know? Gotta watch out for people, especially these kids. Everybody’s out t’get everybody else. No reason, no sympathy….just crazy.”

There was a lull in the conversation, a resignation to the thoughts that flooded each mind. Ian looked from face to face, sipping sparingly from the half-glass of red wine they had ordered for him. Janice he had seen fairly often now that he was working actively at the Academy, but Adam and Mac, considerably younger than the both of them though no less good company, seemed to have aged in his absence. It was like a father in prison watching his children grow through the periodic picture from a distraught and distrusting wife; sometimes the child captured within the photo would seem relatively the same as in the previous, other times the boy would seem a total stranger. Mac especially seemed broader and fuller in his musculature, his hair had grown darker and shorter, and where once an ever-present line of thin stubble coated his skin from ear to ear only clean flesh permeated. It wasn’t only his personality, either. The way he spoke, though still obviously characteristic, had changed subtly, as if the tone was forced, hanging desperately on the edge of being forgotten entirely, and the cynicism (which had also always been a given part of Mac’s mind) seemed much more real and solid and frighteningly sincere. Adam, too, had changed, though not so obviously. The way he sat in relative silence, offering only the spare comment or jeering but mild remark, was unsettling. Ian knew the expression of pensiveness that tightened their features, and sighed quietly at the thought.

“I’m fine,” he said suddenly, adjusting his glasses with his eyes closed for a moment, although he could feel their inquisitive gazes cast over him. “I haven’t meant to seem avoidant, and I actually was glad you asked me to come along. I’ve just been so busy transferring to the Academy and settling in, I guess it’s taking a pretty bad toll on the nerves, huh?” He smiled at them and could actually feel the relief melt into his three tablemates.

“That obvious?” Adam said with a faint smile. “Can you blame us for worrying? Gotta check up on you. We miss you, man.”

“Exactly. You see?” Janice pitched in. “And that’s why you’re payin’ for us. Let’s get another round of drinks, eh?”

Ian shrugged, a gesture they recognized as his silent appreciation. He relaxed in the white cushioned seat, forcing his mind to depart from whatever demons still fought to plague it, at least for the moment. Blankness encased him in the moment and he let the world move on without consequence.

Janice leaned over slightly to the left, reaching across the rounded corner of the table towards the nearby touch-console. “’Nother bottle of wine’ll do, I think,” she thought out loud, tapping a quick series of buttons into the thin glowing screen. She looked over at the three men. “You guys want anything else, or are we about done?” A shrug, a shake, and a short wave declined the offer. Janice nodded and tapped again.

“YOUR CHECK IS ON ITS WAY,” streamed across the screen before it faded back into the news channel that had been playing absently while they had been eating. Headlines ran across the projected bottom holograph, a bulging red beam with glowing white letters. A man in a blue suit was talking without sound while a photo of two other men shaking hands, one somewhat young and the other considerably older, floated beside him along with a vaguely but noticeably edited picture of what appeared to be a small missile carried by a much larger shuttle-ship. The caption beneath the collage caught Ian’s eye: “STAR WARS: THE REAL DEAL?”

“Hey…turn that up, Jan,” he asked suddenly, shifting in his seat to better view the holoscreen. Janice shot him a quizzical look, but complied when she saw the solemn interest that had overtaken his features. Tapping the side of the screen revealed a sidebar with playback options and other various basic functions, and she pulled the small white bar on the right upwards in one fluid motion, hardly noticing the quiet click of the micro-speakers on either side of the holoscreen.

“--are scheduled to meet this Thursday in Moscow as a follow-up to the past month’s events. Our own Jack Scott is joining them now at the landing site.”

The two men in the photo they had shown just seconds ago now stood together, bodies close and turned just slightly inward toward each other, probably for the sake of filming and projecting, Ian guessed. The younger man, who he had first assumed to be in his twenties, now seemed older. Black hair that fell nearly to his shoulders glinted dully in the sunlight and violet haze of afternoon sky, and black stubble partially covered what was once a well-trimmed stub of a goatee in the center of his square jaw. Gray eyes peered steadily out from under thick brows, but Ian could see a fear and a rawness in them that surprised him. The other man, still obviously older, judging by the graying edges of his short and stunningly otherwise pristine russet hair. Ian could tell straightaway that he was a scientist--the manner in which he stood, deliberate and solid, and the dull hazel depth and boredom that revealed itself in his eyes reminded him instantly of the men he had long ago worked with as a pilot for the United Space Program. Still, there was a tiredness to the man that was not unlike the other. Behind them both, desert expanse played the backdrop to a large and daunting shuttle-ship, only the hull of which could be clearly seen in the shot.

“Professor Borisova,” a reporter off screen was speaking, “how did it feel to be piloting the massive ship of your own creation, carrying such dangerous cargo so far away from home?”

The holoscreen projector cut to the younger of the two, who swayed in place a moment as if the very words could topple him.

“Well, to be fair, I was just the copilot. Both of us were, really,“ he answered, an accent that Ian recognized as what was still called “Russian” to most of the world. He flashed a winning smile to the projector, but Ian didn‘t buy it. “It was a good ride, very successful. There were very few problems, and everything went very smooth. I think we’re all very happy with how it went, and…uh…I hope to hear some positive things at the meeting this week.” He smiled again, fixing it into his features, silver eyes flittering back and forth between reporters nervously, though the in-stream editing through the projector hid the expression well.

“And Doctor Hainsworth, what did you think of the testing?”

The older man cleared his throat, and his very presence commanded an air of authority that the younger man lacked. Definitely a scientist, Ian thought. “Yes, everything went very well,” he started, and a different accent was apparent this time, a touch a bourgeois French, perhaps. “All of our calculations were conclusive and the testing was extremely insightful. I expect very good things from this mission.”

The entire interview might have lasted twenty seconds.

The holoscreen cut back to the desk reporter. “That was Professor Aleksei Borisova and Doctor Sydney Hainsworth live on the coast of western India, just returning from their one-month mission to test a surprising possible new source of energy, dark matter. More on their findings at eight. Back to you, Cheryl.”

“Want me to back it up?” Janice asked without looking away from the screen. A young blonde woman was reading the weather reports now; rain at 4:15 PM until approximately 11:40 PM, the cloudy skies all of tomorrow.

Ian shook his head, shifting back in his seat once more, absently reaching for the straw of his drink as something to distract him. Janice shrugged lightly and tapped the screen off but for the restaurant menu.

“Did you know what they were talking about, Ian?” Adam asked curiously, obviously confused by the short report and by Ian’s sudden interest in it. Mac looked just as curious, but not so much confused.

Ian shook his head. “No…no I didn’t know them personally. They were both wearing ISAS tags, though. Though I might know the names, but I’m not sure.” He paused, thinking on this, then shook his head again. “I don’t know. Something just looked funny about it is all, I guess.”

“Funny?” Mac repeated. “Like…government cover-up conspiracy kinda funny? Or like, this channel is bloody ridiculous kinda funny?”

“Oh, come off it,” Janice broke in. “Not everything on the news is a government conspiracy. If that were true we’d probably all’d been dead years ago. Radiation or biochemicals or some weirdness.”

“Yeah, but they didn’t even say what they were testin’” Mac reasoned. “If everything went so well, why didn’t they just come out n’ say it? Sounds pretty shifty t’me.”

“I don’t know what it was,” Ian repeated, not assuring, but not provoking either. “Maybe nothing. But it looked like it could be something. Just felt…wrong. Maybe I’ll ask around and see what I can get out of the Academy. Robertson still hangs around the physics department. Probably could get something out of him.” Ian thought on this and shrugged again. “I doubt its anything to worry about.”

Adam tried not to look relieved.

There was another silence between the quartet, but this time it was accompanied by an unease. News lately was always bad news--always another war or another country demolished by its own reckoning, or another couple murdered on the “nice side of town.“ It wouldn’t come as much of a surprise to find the news was skewing itself into happiness and bliss. In a way, that was alright. It was tiring watching the same battles on every holoscreen in the city, day after day and night after night; maybe it was about time for a reprieve. Still, it was unsettling to remember, for an instant, that the news was run by the people who were slave to the government because the government was slave to the media. They could show whatever the people of the world wanted to see and not imagine a single second of it to be a lie. Ian thought they might be some of the few people that still watched the news not at face value, but for what lay beneath the façade of world peace. There was a universe of information in the smiles and eyes and tired solemnity of the faces beyond the face, and sometimes that was enough to know how the world was doing.

“Ah--” Mac exclaimed suddenly. “What time is it?” He pulled up the sleeve of his shirt and twisted his wrist to see the circular blue lighted disk strapped there. Adam mimicked the action. Whatever the answer to his question, it didn’t seem to be in their favor. He stood abruptly and threw the suit jacket over his shoulders that had been hanging over his seat and quickly picked up the briefcase that had been hiding under the table. Adam stood as well, though apparently hadn‘t brought his suit to lunch with him, judging by the mild panic in his searching gaze. “Sorry, guys. I forgot we have a conference to go to this afternoon. They’ve been layin’ off lately, what with all the fraud and crisis and such, so we can’t miss it.”

“You sure you can pick up the tab?” Adam asked, reaching in his left pocket as if to check for something, and was relieved by the faint jingling of metal on metal the movement produced. “Feel bad just leaving you guys here.”

Ian just smiled. “Yeah, I got it. Thanks for coming today. It was good to see you guys again. Don’t stress yourselves too much.”

Mac grinned. “Hey, now. Same to you, mistah. You better be good to yourself and hang with us more often. Got it?” He pointed at Ian and managed a not-quite-threatening expression that quickly diminished back into his own silliness. Adam was already moving away from the table, casting a quick half-salute half-wave in Ian‘s direction with a smile. “Take care guys. See ya around.” They turned toward the clear sound-proofed glass that had been keeping their conversation isolated despite the hundreds of other customers, but when the glass slid open, unheeded voices drifted in with his exit and the bustle and smell of kitchen employees and waitresses carrying and pushing trays of steaming food wafted in momentarily. Then the door slid closed once more and there was again silence. Almost immediately afterwards, a woman passed by the glass and pushed a thin black card through a slot from the outside. She said nothing and gave them no passing glance, obviously having other things on her mind.

Ian reached for the small black folder, but Janice picked it up first. “Nah, you paid us by coming, so I might as well pay the rest. My idea, anyways,” she said, already pulling forth her wallet and a blue card from inside it. Tapping the holoscreen brought it back to glowing life, and a series of taps and a card-swipe paid for the meal in a matter of seconds. Ian said nothing against it, lost in his own thoughts again.

“Ian.”

Ian looked.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Ian. You can’t keep holding on to the past. You have to move on, live.” Janice was leaning over the table, staring into him intently, as if to refuse what she was saying was to ask for death. Ian was expressionless and silent. “Put yourself back out there and get to livin’, already. Go back to work full time, or just…I don‘t. Do something. We’re all worried about you.”

“I’m fine, Jan, rea--”

“No, you’re not,” she interrupted sternly. Ian promptly shut his mouth. “You’re not alright because you’re always quiet and you never call and you’re not fooling anyone.” She leered at him a moment and sighed heavily. “Look just…just call me sometime this week. Just to talk. Check up on you. ‘Kay?”

“Alright. I will.”

“No, don’t say you will and not say a damn thing.”

Ian smiled, a slight smugness in it. “My word is gold, Jan.”

Janice made a face, but laughed. “Alright. I have to get going too. I’ll talk to you later. Be good to yourself, Ian.” And without looking back, she left him, alone once more in the silent emptiness of his thoughts.